Beware! The Leopard

nerves nerves nerves

So today is the day I step in front of microphone alone and perform for 25 minutes, the longest yet.  I'm nervous, and with the rain outside and the storm inside part of me wants to cancel it today. 

But I can't.  I have to push on, push forward.  No pain no gain. 

It's days like today where I miss my friends from home.  They were always supportive of my musical endeavors, and seeing them smiling up at me from beyond the footlights always made performing easier.  A big group of them gave me this photo album of our good times and they each wrote a note to me.  Some made me laugh, some made me weep, all made me feel warm inside; but there was one in particular that I've been thinking about.  It was a quote from someone who has pushed herself outside of her usual boundaries to become a wonderful person, writer, and mother.  The quote was something like this  "Ships are safest in the harbour, but that's not what they were made for". 

I've been thinking about that quote and attaching it to my own experiences.  I've been safe for a very long time, and now it's time to push out to sea, to battle the waves and explore the world of performing musician. 

Wish me luck. 

Hopefully tomorrow there will be pictures.

France France France

I suppose you've realized by now that there has been a dismal amount of posts this week.  I do have a reason for this, I was enjoying the sun and delights of Southern France.  That's right, sun! 

M and I decided to use the long weekend as an excuse to take flight to Carcasonne where my aunt has a house.  Aside from the beautiful scenery (pix will be going up in our other blog in the next week or so), and the fantastic food, it was great to just sit by the pool, soak up the sun and enjoy a short but sweet honeymoon. 

Artistically, I was a bit surprised by how many foreign artists, writers and musicians have made Languedoc their home.  I suppose I shouldn't be when the region's ample beauty provides more than enough inspiration (I know it helped me finish the lyrics to a couple of tunes), but it was still surprising none the less. 

Anyways, so it's back to regularly scheduled programming. 

For those of you in the London area, come on down to the Phoenix pub near Oxford Circus.  I'll be hitting the open mic on Sunday evening and playing 4-5 guitar based tunes for the audience there.  My nerves are already acting up, but I gotta get out and play!

On open mics and fear

So Sunday evening, M and I went to an open mic near Oxford Circus, the vibe was relaxed and there were a couple of good performances.  I tend to go on reconaissance missions to scout out whether I should play a place before I actually decide to sign up for a slot.  I have come to realize that this is firmly rooted in fear.  Despite my love of performing with bands, and my modest talent with a musical instrument, I do have a fear of baring myself to a crowd on my own.  I am particularly mindful of my singing voice, by I also worry about my talents as a songwriter.

I do feel myself growing as a songwriter with every new tune that comes.  I'm developing my own style, and beginning to not be so literal with my lyrics.  Songwriting, like anything else, is something that requires loads of practice.  John and Paul didn't just come up with Strawberry Fields, or Paperback Writer, they had the growing pains of She Loves You, and I wanna hold your hand.  I have to remember this.  It is essential that I don't shy away from performing simply because I am scared of what the reaction will be. 

Music is funny that way.  When I got married, my father gave a speech which mentioned how easy I was to bring up, how school and work came relatively easy to me, and for the most part he was right.  I never worked really hard, but I got good grades, good jobs, and came off as a relatively likeable person.  Music is the one thing though that has constantly challenged me.  When I started on the piano it was agony to put chords together; the guitar, while easier due to the theoretical backing I already had, was a struggle to come to grips with.  It was ages before I could play anything half decent, and years before I could write anything resembling a song.  Now, my next challenge is to start performing.  I've got about a dozen songs which I am comfortbale enough with the quality to perform, but it is time to start performing them.  I need to step out from behind my fear, look this challenge in the face, and strike while the iron is hot.

Why I am telling you all this?  So that you will remember, that when you see me cowering behind a microphone, or perhaps (hopefully) standing in front of a packed house, it's not some natural gift that was given to me, but something that I have put a lot of time and effort into.  And for some reason, today I think that's important.

Post 101 -- sometimes blogs are a pain in the butt

I just realized that this is my 101st blog post since starting this site.  That's kind of cool.  I assume it is kind of like when you're starring in a TV show that has made it to one hundred episodes.  Except much worse paying, like -$13 a month or something like that (I'm horrible with my money). 

I know, I know, I forgot to do a band to watch this week, but the truth is that I really wasn't feeling up to it.  I don't know if its consumption of alcohol (alcohol is a depressant you know), or just a bit of the blahs on account of the terrible weather we've had recently, but I've had absolutely no desire to write a post.

I think that it is partly because I don't like writing negative feelings in such a public forum.  The world doesn't really need to know when I'm depressed, or when I'm questioning myself and my career judgment.  As Mr. Bennett famously said, "I'm sure it will pass.  No doubt, sooner than it should"  So don't worry too much.  I promise to be back to my normal self in the near future.

Drums

Today I become a drummer.  Yep, you read that correctly.  Me.  Alex.  Is going to sit behind a drumkit and be responsible for the beat.  The last time I did this was a few years ago when we kicked the drummer out of 9 O'Clock Gun.  I managed to hold a beat alright, and I have kept up with the ability to do basic stuff, in fact, my timing has only improved since then (not least because of my time with Roland demonstrating drum kits all day).  So we will see how it goes. 

The reason for this change is that as we have been unable to find a drummer, we needed someone behind the skins in order to provide the necessary foundation to keep moving forward with the songwriting/tightening of the band.  Me, being the jack of all trade and master of none, stepped up to do the job.  Should we find a proper drummer at some point in the near future, I will gladly give up the sticks and it shouldn't be too hard to figure out some guitar/keys parts that will fit in with the music we've created, but until then, at least in the band context, I will be the rhythm guy. 

It should be interesting at least. 

I also need to make up some new business cards, ones that use my real name along with the Beware! the Leopard moniker, because yesterday I had to write my name on a piece of paper for a potential dep gig as a cabaret pianist.  It would be nice to be a bit more professional about the whole thing.  The one thing the request for my details made me realize (besides the need for better cards), is that I need to practice my sight reading.  It's been a while since I sight read on the piano, and if I am going to attempt to get into the world of session musician (which I'm not sure about yet), then some sight reading skills are definitely a must. 

So that's what's up with me.  Sorry for the late update, but when you're working odd days your whole timetable gets messed right up.

I got them dodgy-flat-recording blues.

Now is when I wish I had the money to own my own soundproof studio.  Not that I don't like the sound of buses on my recordings, or dogs barking, or chavs shouting at their girlfriends, but sometimes, just sometimes, it would be nice to do a vocal take with nothing but my beautiful voice on it. 

It was kind of fitting though, on the first vocal take of the song "Big House" a siren could be heard in the background for almost the entire first and second verses. 

Anyways, here's the song in all its glory.  It's my take on a delta blues, old-school vibe.  That's me on cajon and vocals.  It's short and sweet, so let me know what you think.

Just look for it in the myspace player HERE

Bands to Watch: Black Kids

There's one appliance in my flat that I absolutely hate, the hoover.  Now why would I aim all my hatred and loathing for things mechanical at some small motor with a hose attached?  Because it doesn't suck.  Literally.  I'm not sure if this country simply doesn't believe in motorized brushes to get the dirt out of the carpet, or if they have no clue as to how to make a small motor that actually has the power to suck a grain of sand 3 feet, but it makes my job as chief hoover operator, absolutely horrendous.  I spend my time down on my knees scraping at the carpet with the brush, trying to get every last morsel of dropped cookie, every  little dust bunny dropping, only to come away with a carpet that looks like it hasn't seen a hoover in years.  Now you're probably asking yourself, what the hell does this have to do with music?  or with bands?  The answer is that I've found something else that doesn't suck.  In fact, something that really really doesn't suck.  Black Kids.

Now despite their controversial name, Black Kids are a pure pop outfit.  This is the music of people who listened to loads of 80s pop music.  They wear their influences on their sleeve, the Cure, Duran Duran, Simple Minds, they're all here, and all rolled into one jumping mass of flailing limbs and pure pop enjoyment.  There is nothing sinister about their lyrics, nothing revolutionary about their music, but what they do, they do it well, and like my generation waxes nostalgic about all those great pop albums of bygone years, I guarantee that today's youngsters will do the same for Black Kids in twenty years.  Their major label debut, Partie Traumatic, is one gooey piece of bubblegum pop.  Go chew on it, and you will forget all the trouble that hoover gave you earlier in the day, I promise.

Black Kids 

Another week............the decisions begin.

So it's been almost 8 months since I arrived in the UK and 5 months since I began working.  This means that I have exactly 7 months left of working time on my visa.  It also means that I have 5 months until my leave without pay from my government job is up and I have to decide my future.  I think I've already pretty much decided to avoid going back to the government.  By saying "pretty much" I actually mean "definitely".  It's a bit scary to write those words down, but I know I'll have to at some point.  Giving up a well paying job isn't easy, especially not when the standard of living it brought me is about 7 times better than what I'm living in right now.  Despite this difference though I must admit I'm happier.  Not necessarily because of living in London, but more because I'm finally finding myself, as a musician, an artist, and a human being.  I am finally feeling like myself, like I'm not some fraud spouting policy advice, teaching idealistic twenty-somethings, or writing papers on topics that don't interest me.  I now see myself as a musician, a sometime writer, an artist.  Even though it may be sometime before these new realizations can feed me, they are important and I can't turn my back on them. 

Therefore, decisions need to be made.  Do we stay in the UK?  if so, by what method, the new visa rules mean that it is likely we would have to go home and apply from there again.  If we can't stay, or choose not to, where do we go?  Toronto? Montreal? Timbuktu?  These are the decision that M and I are beginning to grapple with, and will have to address in the near future.  It's starting to cause me some mental stress, but not a lot yet.  We'll see how it goes.

On a musical note the new drummer we tried for the band, Andy, didn't feel that it was his thing, so we are back to square one with the search for a drummer. 

I have three days off in a row this week, so I've vowed to record at least one and possibly two songs.  We'll see how it goes.  So be on the lookout for something around midweek. 

The Leopard.