So Sunday evening, M and I went to an open mic near Oxford Circus, the vibe was relaxed and there were a couple of good performances. I tend to go on reconaissance missions to scout out whether I should play a place before I actually decide to sign up for a slot. I have come to realize that this is firmly rooted in fear. Despite my love of performing with bands, and my modest talent with a musical instrument, I do have a fear of baring myself to a crowd on my own. I am particularly mindful of my singing voice, by I also worry about my talents as a songwriter.
I do feel myself growing as a songwriter with every new tune that comes. I'm developing my own style, and beginning to not be so literal with my lyrics. Songwriting, like anything else, is something that requires loads of practice. John and Paul didn't just come up with Strawberry Fields, or Paperback Writer, they had the growing pains of She Loves You, and I wanna hold your hand. I have to remember this. It is essential that I don't shy away from performing simply because I am scared of what the reaction will be.
Music is funny that way. When I got married, my father gave a speech which mentioned how easy I was to bring up, how school and work came relatively easy to me, and for the most part he was right. I never worked really hard, but I got good grades, good jobs, and came off as a relatively likeable person. Music is the one thing though that has constantly challenged me. When I started on the piano it was agony to put chords together; the guitar, while easier due to the theoretical backing I already had, was a struggle to come to grips with. It was ages before I could play anything half decent, and years before I could write anything resembling a song. Now, my next challenge is to start performing. I've got about a dozen songs which I am comfortbale enough with the quality to perform, but it is time to start performing them. I need to step out from behind my fear, look this challenge in the face, and strike while the iron is hot.
Why I am telling you all this? So that you will remember, that when you see me cowering behind a microphone, or perhaps (hopefully) standing in front of a packed house, it's not some natural gift that was given to me, but something that I have put a lot of time and effort into. And for some reason, today I think that's important.
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